Baby, It's Cold Outside

Does anyone remember the classic 80's US sitcom 'Cheers'? It was a favourite of mine, and there is an exchange from one scene that I often quote that still makes me laugh two decades on. One of the characters was Norm Peterson, otherwise referred to as 'Big Norm', who was played by the actor George Wendt. In the show he was renowned for his one liners. On one occasion he enters the 'Cheers' bar preceded by a flurry of snow blown in off the wintry Boston streets. As he enters, one of the 'Cheers' regulars perched at the bar shouts over "Hey Norm! What's up?" to which Norm replies "My nipples, it's freezing outside!" I've lost count of the number of times I've rolled this one out. I'd like to apologise here and now to all my family and friends.

There is some relevance to this story. At last, the Banstead Athletic v Arundel tie is within sight, only a few days away now. I mentioned in an earlier post that Merland Rise, the venue for Saturday, has a reputation as being a very cold ground to stand in. I fear it could be very cold this coming weekend. It was only two rounds ago that we were standing in glorious sunshine at the FA Vase tie between Hassocks and Chertsey Town, with short sleeved shirts, basking in the last flickers of a fading summer. And in the blink of an eye, the weather turned, the clocks went back, the days got shorter and darker and all of a sudden it feels very cold. As Dean Martin sang, "Baby, It's Cold Outside".

At the weekend a friend accused me of having lived for far too long in the south and I had become a "southern wuss". I think she is right. I seem to feel the cold much more than I used to. I know, I know; it's probably an age thing. That week in Devon I spent with my family a few weeks back was bitterly cold, with a biting sea wind playing its part. When subsequently asked "how was your holiday" the words "cold", "chilly" or "freezing" invariably crept into the first sentence of any of my replies. I guess it serves us right for having our summer holiday in October.

In the seemingly mammoth gap between the First and Second Rounds of this FA Vase competition, I have satiated my thirst for football with a few other games. Last weekend I took my son to see the top-of-the-table Ryman League Premier Division clash between Staines Town and Dover Athletic. He had a free entry voucher, a commendable scheme run by Staines Town whereby vouchers are given away to local schools. An entertaining game, in which Dover grabbed a 90th minute winner to chalk up a 3-2 win and in doing so, cemented their position at the summit of the League. But it was cold. We are now at the stage of the season where several layers are loaded on; a t-shirt, a long sleeved shirt, a thick jumper, a fleece, a jacket. Hat. Gloves. Not quite the weather for thermal leggings, but that is not far off I'm sure. I was so bulked up at the game I occupied two seats in the small Wheatsheaf Park stand.

The following day, I headed off to Essex for the FA Cup tie between AFC Hornchurch and Peterborough United with Mackem and POSH Mate. The forecast was once again for low temperatures, so I went armed with layers of clothing. After a warming Full English breakfast in Upminster, we walked a couple of miles to the ground. By the time we reached 'The Stadium' I was feeling kind of toasted; the sun then came out and I began to regret being cocooned in so much cotton and wool. But the moment the sun retreated behind the clouds, that arctic cold snuck back in. The match itself was poor; played against a strong wind blowing the length of the pitch, it was never going to be a classic. In a game of little incident, Peterborough snatched victory at the death when the Hornchurch goalkeeper, Dale Brightly, spilled an innocuous looking long range shot to present Craig Mackail-Smith with a simple tap in. The Hornchurch players collapsed in disbelief at the mistake just when a deserved replay at London Road looked likely. One couldn't help feel for the young keeper; an inconsolable Brightly left out in the cold.

So welcome to British winter football; several months of cold and rain and frost and damp and snow await. My thermal leggings may just make the first appearance of the season for the trip to Banstead on Saturday. The danger being that I could end up sweating like a pig, which is another thing 'Big Norm' was known to do:

Norm: "I have, on several occasions, been known to perspire a bit."
Carla: "We could grow rice."

A Sideways Glance At The FA Cup

A wonderful week in Devon; no computer, a rudimentary television (how did we ever survive with only four channels?) a small radio and plenty of time to read, relax and totally unwind. I'm now back home from a Luddite's paradise and my batteries are charged to the brim.

Driving down to the South West last Saturday I knew that it was FA Cup day and I felt a little disappointed that I wasn't driving to a game. After my exploits of last season I understandably feel a great deal of attachment to the competition and I get somewhat rueful reading through the Cup fixtures. I am thoroughly enjoying this season's FA Vase, and there is much more to look forward to. But I have managed a couple of FA Cup diversions this season as well, one at Chertsey Town (2-2 v Deal Town) and the other at Hampton & Richmond Borough (2-0 v Whyteleafe). As I was heading off to a week of peace and quiet, clubs up and down the country were preparing for Fourth Round Qualifying matches and were only one tie away from the First Round Proper. Part of me wanted to be part of it all, again. In the meantime, a brief sideways glance will suffice.

On the Sunday morning I managed to catch up with the FA Cup results in the newspaper (how primeval) but by late afternoon I was braving the October elements and skimming stones of the crests of white horses with my son; thoughts of FA Cup games had drifted off on the cold sea breeze and I was well and truly 'on holiday'. But then I received a text message - my only concession last week to modern life - and it was from POSH Mate with a rather strange question: "Where is Hornchurch?" He being a person of knowledgeable mind my first reaction was that he obviously knows where Hornchurch is (he could surely find out very quickly if not) and therefore his question was hinting at something else. But what? My wife put me out of my misery - the cogs in my brain had by now dropped to their lowest gear possible - and suggested that maybe Peterborough United (his team) were going to be playing in Hornchurch. My thoughts then turned back to the FA Cup, but I was still all at sea. Literally and metaphorically. Wasn't this mid-Sunday afternoon, a day before the draw for the First Round Proper? Had I lost a day already? That happens towards the end of holidays, admittedly, but surely not that early in the week?

I had to conclude that the First Round Proper draw had taken place; in the dark recesses I had a vague memory that ITV and Setanta were now involved and had evidently introduced a degree of tinkering to announce their arrival on the scene. This turned out to be the case and Peterborough United indeed face a trip to AFC Hornchurch. Which is in Essex, by the way.

There were some great results and stories in the Fourth Qualifying Round; Ridgeons Football League (step 5) side Leiston shocked Lewes (of the Blue Square Premier League, step 1) with an impressive 3-1 replay win at The Dripping Pan after being held 1-1 at home. They will be joined in the First Round Proper by another Suffolk club, Bury Town who beat Basingstoke Town. Brackley Town won 1-0 at Hampton & Richmond Borough, Eastwood Town overcame Wrexham after a replay and Rushden & Diamonds fell by the wayside at Evesham United.

The First Round Proper will be played this coming weekend. Setanta have been plugging the fact that they now have TV coverage of the FA Cup by, most annoyingly, declaring that they will be screening games from "every round of the FA Cup". In a glaring breach of the Trades Descriptions Act, Setanta have conveniently ignored the first six rounds. As we all know some of the best FA Cup football takes place between August and October and no, Setanta, the FA Cup does not start in November; the First Round Proper is the seventh round of the competition.

Debutants in the First Round Proper next weekend are Evesham United (drawn away at Torquay United), Brackley Town (away to Eastwood Town) and Curzon Ashton (home to Exeter City). The TV coverage starts on Friday evening with Leeds United v Northampton Town (don't get me started on why Setanta have chosen that game as their opener and duly ignored ties involving non League teams) and continues with ITV coverage on Sunday with Havant & Waterlooville v Brentford. Setanta then on Monday have arguably one of the highlights of the Round with AFC Wimbledon v Wycombe Wanderers.

Oh, and the draw for the Second Round Proper will be shown live on ITV at 1:45pm on Sunday 9th November before the Havant & Waterlooville tie. Opportunity for another sideways glance at the FA Cup for me before my next FA Vase outing. This time I'll be prepared.